Anxious

Yup. We finally get to meet him. I want it to go well.

No - at this point, I just want there to be no disaster.

My expectations are a bit low, I suppose.

Insanity

My thoughts flow between impatience at the ever-so slow pace of getting our son, to being incredulous that we are seriously doing this, "at our age."

When I read about the milestones of fostering, particularly the part about being tired and exhausted - the self-doubt really kicked in.

I mean, in the eyes of many, this is the age we are supposed to be getting all comfy in those big easy rocking chairs, watching golden sunsets.

Instead, we face the rising sun, the arrival of our ten year old.

Why are we doing this? As some, who upon learning of our efforts to foster/adopt, have asked: are you insane!?!

Well, one thing that has happened with the passage of time for us is that we now know that part of our journey on this earth, perhaps the only part that really matters, is about what we do for one another.

How do we give back; how do we make this world just a tad bit better for having lived here.

Being two same-gender loving men, who lived and recall life before time's passage and the toll of AIDS on those we would have grown older with; we have witnessed much. We have much to share. What better way to share than with someone who has started life with so few around him.

So, if that makes us insane - then, yes - we happily are.

honoring daddy

this is one of my favorite pictures of my daddy and his father - probably one of the very few times that they were together.

my granddaddy was largely absent from my daddy's life - a fact that he never got over.

with the adoption, we are in a way honoring daddy - by bringing into our lives, this young person who is in desperate need for love, attention and wholeness for the rest of his life.

one step closer

so, he has been shown the scrapbook of our lives and now we soon will find out from the one who stays in  his life, how he really feels about this all

feels like things are going the right way...

Solutions

We are anticipating getting our home ready for a child. We have always had adults here; this is an adjustment.

One item is television - my mom who is hard of hearing, but like many - she refuses to wear any device to assist in hearing. So, usually, you can hear the sound from her TV throughout the house. Not a problem, except when we want to make sure the kid goes to bed early and sleeps soundly.

So, anticipating that - I searched to see what I could find on the internet and seem to have come up on a good solution: a wireless TV speaker that she can have right next to her bed at night.

Now, we need to think about moving the vitamins and Rx meds from the kitchen cabinet.

Breaking Through

Somewhere I heard that 75% of a person's thoughts are negative - that we keep having this inner dialog with ourselves.

I think that sounds kinda high but the point being, our thoughts really can impact on who we are and who we become.

Interesting article about our thoughts, noting how Liberace , that great kinda in/kinda out the closet showman, learned the power of positive thoughts and transformed his life.

I can only imagine what must be going through a child's mind who has been in the foster care system for most of their life.

To have a breakthrough, to get a semblance of trust and happiness is going to really be one of the greatest challenges we have faced in our years together.

Part of means being aware of our own thoughts and how they have guided us throughout our lives and continuing to work on them, pushing them over to the positive side.

But I know in my heart and mind, that no matter how deep the challenge, we will meet it as a family.

Time's Glacial Pace

Now, having decided to move forward, time seems to be moving at a snail's pace.

We have to set up a visitation schedule. I am guessing it will be within the next two weeks that we get our first formal introduction.

Not sure what we should be doing until then, other than anticipating... but really really ready to get this started....

Scrap Book

Gathering pictures for a scrap book so he can have something to see when we are presented to him as prospective parents...

Debating which pictures to include, which are too old, dredging up memories of years gone by....

Not sure at all...



but this picture of our recently adopted CoCo is a must

Coming Together

This is the first of what I hope will be many notes, journaling the adoption of our son.

We come to this late in our 30+ year relationship but with enthusiasm and wisdom.

The one we hope will be our son is almost 10 years old; if all goes well, by the time, he is living with us, he will be 10.

For us, he is the child we have been waiting for, over 30 years.

Thus, the journal: Almost 10, over 30.