S Generation

I thought about changing the blog name to something like "Sandwiched!" to more accurately capture my life.

While I have found myself making more PB&Js than I have made in a little bit; that is not the reason for the change. It is because we are not just raising a ten year old late in life, we are really living life fully fledged as members of the sandwich generation.

My eighty something year old mom has been with us now for close to 5 years. We brought her into our home due to health crises she suffered; which include breast cancer.

My partner is her primary caregiver. Due to her health challenges, she had to have a colostomy. She has arthritis and lacks the dexterity to change the bag; my partner is the only one who she wants to change it.

As one would expect, all these health challenges, plus having to give up your independence have led to her feeling depressed. The one thing that has brought some joy to her is having another grandchild who she can spoil as she did with her other grandchildren.

It was because of the experience of becoming her caregiver that we pushed forward to commit to this adoption. We knew that while caregiving has its challenges; it also has its rewards of helping someone who is in need.

Yes, there are days when I mutter and wonder, but this is what life is about - giving back till you can give no more.

Month 4

I will sit down soon and sort through it all; part of my new year, new beginnings ritual. We are into the 4th month now of full time living as a family.

Each day is a new revelation; a peeling back of what this child has inside of him; locked away even from his conscious view.

He is so vulnerable and wants this to work so badly. He wants to trust but has his life experience which tells him to trust no one, especially those who say, I will be here for you.

We have in place a great team (after some mis-starts) and that is what is helping him slowly open up.

Time's March

Time - that is the one thing that feels so fleeting, lately.

We never have enough to do all the things we need to do; the weekend rolls around and before you know it, back to the week day routine.

We are at the 45 day check point and are going through an assessment of school - that is the one hugh disappointment - the school system here *sigh*. The whole thing is complicated of course by the diagnosis that the kid has.

But from where I sit, at least today, right now - he is doing remarkably well, all things considered.

Jumping Off The Ground

IMG00130-20090913-1308.jpg
Originally uploaded by cmh0150

This is a good photo, shows him (his feet) bungee-kinda jumping.

We were at a community festival; end of a long day/week.

In the close to month, he has been home; we are more a family - all things compressed though into a few weeks - getting to be who we are, while at the same time, being open and knowing that we are not who we have been.

Anyway, it has been intense and full and worth it all.

island

Feels like we are on an island at times; living here in the wanna be suburban mecca....

Parenting as SGL men, we always understood it would be a challenge and embrace it - but sure would be nice if we had neighbors a cul-de-sac over or so, to have play dates with our kids and to discuss life with....

This past week, we encountered an absolutely horrid mental health "professional" - he attempted to provoke our son to have an emotional reaction, to lose it (which he didn't do).

He also threatened to order him to residential therapeutic treatment; this was our first exposure to this person and is our last.

We have concluded that part of his reaction was to dealing with two SGL parents; AK was the foil.

Day One is Done

Finally, finally - the day arrived. The day was full of transition stuff. But one day later, we have had a full day here in his new home.

On the dawn of the day, he, the Amazing Kid (AK) responded, when I said I regretted we could not squeeze a beach trip in: "We have the rest of our lives for the beach."

I hope so, AK; I do.

FTD

Until recently, I thought FTD stood for flowers being delivered to your home.

Now, I know it is also a critical event in the life of a child, Family Team Decision Making--a time for decisions as to his future.

Our child had his today and no surprises - things are continuing to move in the right direction - one week from today, he will be in our home, for what should be forever!!

Have you ever been so cautious that you don't want to breathe for fear that it will upset the harmony that seems to be flowing? That kinda describes where we now are.