Coming full circle...

It is very hard to read the early posts.

It is even harder to accept the reality.

The past three or four years have been the most challenging I have ever witnessed. We struggled to get him to graduate from high school but managed it. We fought to keep him on the path as he veered off, making his own path. 

A couple of months after  he turned 18, I bailed him out of jail with the house up as collateral and borrowed against my retirement to get him the best attorney we could afford. He got him a sweet deal which would have removed the charge, conditioned on his going to school.

Two weeks before he turned 19, he got himself arrested and put back in jail.

I know now this is a lesson he must learn; I will not rescue him so that he can grow.

I am grieving.

Summer Time - Finally Here (Almost)

So, Summer, while officially, weeks away, is only one week away - insofar as school being done. The school year was a transitional one - first time AK was in a regular classroom setting. Until now, for his entire life, he had been in a setting where everyone was in Special Education.

While there were bumps along the way this year, all in all, he succeeded. In hugh part due to the school - it was a new charter school, and everyone was determined to give all a fair chance to make it. He made it, after seeing that the school was serious about getting rid of troublemakers.

Now, we have to figure out plans for the Summer. Two weeks away at camp, for sure. Not certain what else... but just glad to finally have the school year ending.

Moving Forward

Damn. One year since I last posted.

I also may need to rethink the name of the blog, given the AK is 12, closing in on 13 years of age.

So, what can I say about having decided late in life to adopt? I can say that it is worth it - despite the times that I long for some downtime. Watching him grow, worrying over his future choices, hoping we can do all we can to influence those choices - yes, all worth it.

Realizing that he is not a projection of me, my desires, but he is going to be whomever he is; that has been one of the most difficult things for me. Giving him the space to grow, watching him grow; all these make it worth it.

He is no longer in a special ed class - first time in his life that this has happened. Yes, there are struggles but he seems to have things under control, relatively speaking.

Finally

This month, we will finalize the adoption. It is has been an amazing journey. Along the way, we lost my mom. I had hoped she would be able to live long enough to witness the ceremony.

But this is life; we make it all we can in the time we have.

I will post more later.

Halloween Check In

Seems I have resorted to a 6 month blogging period ...

Anyway, things are progressing; the reality is here and he is doing well... sensing now more of who he is and he is adjusting to having a couple of parents... a new thing for him

into skateboarding and computer games, I somehow need to entice him to read more....

about once or twice per month, we go to a UU church - right now, it is something he resists but once there, does really well with...

trying still to connect with other SGL families... that will come in time

Five Months?!?

Has it really been that long since I journaled last?

We are moments away (figuratively) from the end of the school year; it has been a roller coaster ride for sure. We all thoroughly despise the school - and still are working to try to get him out of it by next year.

Yes - despise is a very strong word. But, the right one, I believe. He was attacked yesterday by another kid. This is the same kid who, a couple of weeks earlier, fought him and then, when home, sent him an email - calling him a "fag."

Of course, brought all this to the attention of his teacher and the administrators - no action and it escalated to the attack yesterday. Now, I have more higher ups paying attention. All we want is a safe environment where our son can learn and feel free to be himself.

S Generation

I thought about changing the blog name to something like "Sandwiched!" to more accurately capture my life.

While I have found myself making more PB&Js than I have made in a little bit; that is not the reason for the change. It is because we are not just raising a ten year old late in life, we are really living life fully fledged as members of the sandwich generation.

My eighty something year old mom has been with us now for close to 5 years. We brought her into our home due to health crises she suffered; which include breast cancer.

My partner is her primary caregiver. Due to her health challenges, she had to have a colostomy. She has arthritis and lacks the dexterity to change the bag; my partner is the only one who she wants to change it.

As one would expect, all these health challenges, plus having to give up your independence have led to her feeling depressed. The one thing that has brought some joy to her is having another grandchild who she can spoil as she did with her other grandchildren.

It was because of the experience of becoming her caregiver that we pushed forward to commit to this adoption. We knew that while caregiving has its challenges; it also has its rewards of helping someone who is in need.

Yes, there are days when I mutter and wonder, but this is what life is about - giving back till you can give no more.