still moving

it has been a bit since i checked in....

suffice it to say that things are moving forward, hard to believe that the summer is half done...

all i could promise our son is that, next year, will be different - a vacation, a time to relax versus worrying about when he will be allowed to move

heroes

when you hear folk talk about foster care heroes, typically what they are thinking of are the volunteers, the foster care parents ...

but truth be told, the true heroes are the children in the system...

they come not by choice, expected to navigate as best as they can...

even if fortunate to have a loving family to which they can be returned, the trauma is something that most children never have to deal with...

for those others, they are challenged to survive in a system that, at best, puts a premium on their physical safety;

efforts to deal with their emotional needs are mostly drug based.

any child who can survive and thrive through all of this has to be a rare child -

we believe and hope we have that child....

amazing love

feels much like a roller coaster, but thankfully, not with the full g-force effect - we have cleared the air, made clear the rules and engaged, fully, in accountability...

and, yes, again clearly and amazingly know that this is right....

our very own crisis

before, the crisises that we heard about were all attributable to the system, the caregivers who did not really care....

now, we have our very own crisis - fully attributable to no one but our child in the new family unit...

without getting into it (very difficult to write here and maintain confidentiality), we have to now deal with lying....

torn

at this point, i alternate between periods of complete and utter contentment with periods of unmitigated fear and depression, knowing things are moving forward....

the feelings in the former are understandable and expected....

the feelings in the latter are not....

perhaps they are brought forward by the reality of dealing with a system that, for the most part, doesn't appear to genuinely and passionately care....

today, i had to deal with the educational system....

*sigh*

right activity

finding the right activities is a challenge....

now, we are looking at what would be the right gymnastics activity...

of course, all are a ride away...

Changed Reality

Schools will be a challenge -

He is such a smart kid - on our last visit, he asked us whether he could go to private school. I asked him why he wanted to do that; he said he thought that they would be fun, with more things to do.

When we moved here, the dismal state of the local schools was a theoretical issue - an annoyance for sure as it was a drag on property values....

But now, given the requirement that children who are in the state's care must attend public school, it is a very frustrating thing.

While we know that, when the adoption is finalized, we can make choices outside the public school system; that is going to take a few months.


*sigh*